She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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