so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
