I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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