WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
