We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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