If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
