somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
