Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize