The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
