A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
