people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
