the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
