R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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