She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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