Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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