This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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