where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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