ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
