Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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