Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
