I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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