Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
