I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
