I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
