I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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