just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
