So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
