I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
