Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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