Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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