sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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