I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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