I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
