This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I did not marry a roomba.
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