I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
