the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
