Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
