You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
