Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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