At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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