i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's Friday. Sex?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
