Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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