On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
