then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
