well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
