you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize