What a fucking waste of an outfit
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
