I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
