you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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