So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
