This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
