Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found the puke drawer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
