What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
