There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
4 words: hood of his car
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize