so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
