he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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