Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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