fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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