Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
