what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
