Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
