I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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