I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
