All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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