actually, I'm a sock model
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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