I hope mine doesn't look like that
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
