I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
