Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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