when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
