Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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