with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
