If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
