I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
