His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
