i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
