ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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