I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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