she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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