sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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