Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
