All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
