i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you.
Bad choice
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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